Twelve days to Doom
by Swing-21
Summary: Finished! Every year, Zim and Dib strike a twelve day truce to prepare for the upcoming battle against the evil Santa Costume. ZADR, Not your usual Christmas story.
1. Prologue, December 13

Title: **Twelve days to DOOM**

Summary: _Every year, Zim and Dib strike a twelve day truce to prepare the upcoming battle against the evil Santa Costume. A chapter per day until Christmas. ZADR._

Warning: _Gay xenophilia (it's ZADR, dhu); fanservice; Grinch-like tendencies_

Rating: _Mature_

Disclaimer: _The characters belong to Jhonen and Nickelodeon. I just borrow them and force them to act on my kinky fantasies._

Author's Note: _This is not your average Christmas fic, people. I tried to do something different than the usual mistletoe abuse. Based on the Christmas carol "The Twelve days of Christmas" you'll get a new chapter every day –if I manage it- until the grand finale on Doomsday!_

_This is not beta-read, and English is not my first language, I have still lots to learn. If you find any mistakes on this chapter or the next ones, don't hesitate to point them to me, I'll be glad to correct them! Thanks!_

* * *

**December 13****th**

Dib ran. It was one of the things he did best, next to yelling and pointing. He ran for his life like he had done on countless times before, on countless settings, but all for the same reason: he had once again done something to piss Zim off.

His heavy boots scrunched the snow, leaving footprints he didn't have time to erase. Now was not the time to take precautions. But it was the perfect occasion to run like mad as if it was the devil pursuing him.

It was almost the same thing if you think about it.

Dib ran on the empty city streets, his trench coat and scarf flying behind him, his breath coming out in white clouds, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the night. He heard something, turned left and entered a deserted alley.

That's when a sonic wave got him square in the back. He fell face-first to the cold and dirty floor. He coughed and turned around, still trying to get his breath back. Over him, the dark silhouette of Zim's spider legs could be seen against the grayish sky.

'This is enough, stoo-pid hyumun' hissed the Invader. 'You should not have foiled my amazing plan, this time…'

'It was doomed to fail anyways' coughed Dib, trying to sit up.

A spider-leg impaled itself on his trench coat and pinned him to the floor.

'Too long you have annoyed me, Dib-stink' groaned Zim. 'It's time to end this, once and for all.'

He positioned a spider-leg over Dib's heart, ready to strike.

_Tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet!_

Dib's watch announced midnight.

'Stop!' shouted the teenager. 'You can't kill me now!'

'My internal clock hasn't struck the hour yet' answered Zim with a malicious grin.

He then lowered the spider-leg in a deadly thrust. And stopped it millimeters from Dib's heart.

'Now it has' continued Zim with a snort.

Dib opened his eyes wide, scandalized.

'You bastard! You did it on purpose!' he yelled.

'Of course' answered smugly the Invader. 'It is so much fun to see you squirm. Did you wet your pants in fear, stinky hyumun?'

Dib made a face and pushed the spider-leg out of his way. Zim extended a hand and helped him get back on his feet.

'You didn't have to thrown me in the mud' grunted the human.

'You didn't have to sabotage my last experiment' answered the alien.

'That was for the laser-weasels of last week!'

'In retaliation for the water-balloon to the face last month!'

'If you didn't ruin all my…'

'That was because you…'

'Oh that's not true, that time was your –'

'LIES! It was all because of –'

Dib held both hands in front of him, trying to calm the alien.

'No need to wake up the whole neighborhood' he admonished. 'Anyways, the truce has started already.'

'Yes, yes' grumbled the Invader with a wave of his gloved hand. 'I will have to suffer your presence again for the next twelve days, I know.'

'No need to sound so giddy about it' grumbled the teenager, looking sideways.

Zim shot him a strange look and started walking away.

'Go rest, Dib-stink' he ordered. 'I'll go by your house tomorrow to see what can be upgraded to your ship.'

'It's still under repairs from last fight, you know…'

'Still?!?' shrieked Zim. 'Why aren't you done yet? We need that ship for the upcoming battle!'

'You blasted a plasma ray right trough it!' retorted Dib. 'That was last week! I had to sleep and go to school, you know?'

'We will have to do something about that' grumbled the Invader for himself.

He took out his spider-legs once again and started climbing the walls.

'Do get some rest, Dib-thing' ordered Zim. 'We have lots of work to accomplish before Christmas.'

Dib nodded, in all seriousness. Christmas wasn't a time for joy and sharing, not since Zim had tried to take over the holiday. Every year, alien and teenager stopped their ongoing war for the twelve days leading to Christmas, in order to prepare for the upcoming fight.

Santa Claus was coming to town.

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_AN: Love it? Hate it? Be sure to let me know! That review button doesn't bite, you know? Me neither! (Unless asked nicely, of course.)  
_


	2. Chapter 1, December 14

Author's Note, Summary, Warning and Disclaimer on the Prologue

**December 14**

_On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… a reason to leave my home.  
_

'…_I just wanted to say…'_

'…_foolish human, you speak stoo-pid…'_

'…_but there's no need for…'_

'…_don't waste your breath, the answer is…'_

'…_please, just listen to me… Zim…'_

'Listen to what, stoo-pid hyumun?'

Dib groaned and tried to get under the covers once again. This was too early to be dealing with Zim… Wait, ZIM?!?

His eyes shot open and he yelled. Zim's huge disguised eyes were hovering above him, watching with a frown.

'ZIM!' yelled Dib. 'What are you doing in my room?!?'

The alien poked his sternum with a pointy claw.

'I told you I would come, Dib-monkey' he said. 'You got enough rest, so rise and meet the almighty ZIM!'

Dib brushed the intrusive claw aside and threw a glance at his alarm-clock.

'What the fuck, Zim? It's five in the morning! On a Saturday! I still need to sleep!'

'Foolishness! Now get up and dress, we have work to do!'

The alien pulled the bed sheets and threw them away before Dib could grab them. The teenager suddenly remembered he was only wearing boxers and grabbed a pillow to cover what he could. Zim scoffed and opened the closet door.

'Your choice of clothing is as boring as our geography class' snickered the alien. 'No wonder not a single hyumun girl has bothered to look in your direction yet.'

'What would you know about that, anyways?' retorted Dib. 'Hand me a jean and a shirt, or just give me back my bed sheets, jerk.'

'The amazing ZIM knows more than can fit in your atrociously large head full of stoo-pid and soup! And where can I find a suitcase or anything similar, stinkbag?'

'What? Why for?' asked Dib, curious.

'To put things inside, you moron!' snapped the Invader. 'That's why suitcases exist!'

'I KNOW that! Just tell me why you need it and what you're going to put inside!'

'Your stuff' was the only answer.

Zim turned around, Dib's usual pair of jeans and his favorite shirt in each hand.

'Put this on and help me fill your bag' he ordered. 'Choose what you will need for the next twelve days. You're moving to my base.'

'Wait, what?!? Your base?'

Zim sighed in exasperation.

'Yes, stinky Dib, I have decided that for the success of our mission, all your waking time would be spent in the preparations for the upcoming battle. There is much work to do, we cannot afford useless delays like last year! It is enough that you need to feed and rest, I will not risk a repetition of last year because of something as stoo-pid as Skool.'

Dib frowned. Last year had been a rather unpleasant experience for both of them. Dib had tried to juggle with the war preparations, skool and personal problems at the same time, almost bringing him to the verge of break down. It was something he'd rather not be remembered of, by Zim even less.

'All right then' grumbled the teenager while putting on his jeans. 'But you'll have to help me convince my dad, I don't think he's gonna like me ditching two weeks of class…'

'Already done!' announced proudly the Invader. 'He's the one that let me in.'

'…I told him never to let you in…' muttered Dib under his breath, his head popping trough the t-shirt hole. 'And what did you tell him?'

'The truth' shrugged Zim.

'You told him I was going to live at an alien base to produce mass destruction weapons in order to fight a Santa costume turned wrong before it dooms us all?' said Dib in a incredulous tone of voice.

'No, I told him you were my Irken mate pregnant with our love-smeet and that I wanted you to meet the Tallest so they can bless our interspecies union' said Zim in a very sarcastic tone of voice. 'Of course I told him you were battling Santa!'

'Geez, no need to take it like that' said Dib, trying to hide a faint blush. 'What did he say?'

'He was very proud of his poor insane son' smirked the alien. 'I left the alien bit out, of course, but he seemed glad that you had a, ew… friend. How sad is your life, Dib-monkey…'

'Just shut up and help me put these clothes in here' said Dib, motioning to a backpack he found under his bed.

Zim scoffed but helped anyways. In a matter of minutes, they were done. Dib grabbed his trench coat and his faithful laptop and followed Zim down the stairs.

'Gaz, I'm leaving!' he announced.

'For good, I hope' came a grumbled reply from the kitchen.

'Only 'till Christmas' said Dib in an exasperated sigh.

He exited the house and closed the door, rolling his eyes.

'That would make her too happy' he muttered under his breath.

'Stop talking to yourself and get moving' ordered Zim with a shiver. 'I'm cold!'

'Don't you want to take a look at Tak's ship, first? It's in the garage.'

'We'll get it tomorrow. For now I need your help with some biochemical bacteria I'm developing. The process should be done in time, but we have to hurry.'

'All right, all right…'

They started walking silently, the lack of hostilities always taking some time to get adjusted to. Dib put his hands in his pockets, trying to remember what he could of his dream. He knew he was talking to Zim about something important, but he couldn't remember…

'This year is going to be different' announced the Invader. 'Evil-Santa won't know what hit him! Last year was a catastrophe, we lost half the city and almost died, but…'

'Don't talk to me about last year' interrupted Dib in a bitter voice.

Zim narrowed an eye.

'Zim does as he pleases' announced the alien. 'So I'll talk about last year all I want! Are you still mopey about –'

'I was NOT mopey!' snapped Dib. 'I wasn't anything, so don't ask!'

The alien stopped in his tracks and crossed his arms, not really surprised at the shouting.

'Listen, worm-baby…'

'No, YOU listen, Zim!' said Dib. 'If you want us to work together, you'll just have to butt off and stop talking about what happened! It's over, it's done and I don't want to talk about it, all right?'

Zim stared at him for a long moment, eyes narrowed in concentration. Dib stood his ground, cheeks flushing from the cold and embarrassment.

'This, we will see' simply said Zim before resuming his walk.

* * *


	3. Chapter 2, December 15

**December 15**

_On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… two slaps upside the head._

The door swished open and Zim entered Dib's temporary room.

'Wake-up dirtchild, we have –'

He froze in his tracks when he saw that Dib wasn't asleep as he'd imagined. The small room was empty, except for the bed, the backpack in the corner and the small table where the laptop laid. Another door led to the human restroom facilities he had to install. A biohazard sign warned about the use of water in that area. The Invader shivered to know such a dangerous liquid was present in his beloved base.

The door opened and Dib stepped inside, clad only in a small red towel bearing the Irken symbol. He was drying his hair with another one, humming to himself. He lifted his head and let out a small yelp when he saw Zim just standing there.

'Argh! Zim! What are you doing here?'

The alien blinked once, trying to remember what he was supposed to say. He slowly lifted an antenna, trying hard not to look at the droplets of acidic water falling from Dib's damp hair and running down his neck, his torso, his belly and…

'Earth to Zim' said Dib with a weird face. 'Are you… are you alright?'

'Whu?' asked the Invader, coming back to reality. 'Of course I'm alright, stinkbag. Stop asking foolish questions. Get ready so we can go to your home and get Tak's ship.'

'Alright.'

An uneasy silence passed between them. Dib seemed to wait for something and lifted his eyebrows in an expectant manner.

'Well…?' he asked.

'Well what?'

'Are you going to leave so I can get dressed or are you staying to enjoy the show?' said Dib in an exasperated tone of voice.

That earned him a slap upside the head, followed by a pained hiss. Zim took back his burned hand.

'Of course I am! Leaving, I mean! I was doing that right now! I see no reason to stay! Don't get delusional, worm-baby! And get that filthy water out of your hair, it burns!' scoffed the Invader before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

Dib watched him go, unsure about the whole situation. He dried himself off, trying not to read anything in Zim's peculiar behavior. The alien always acted strangely, there was nothing new there. No need to hurt his brain trying to find logic in Zim's words or actions, that had failed miserably before.

'But… he did let me sleep until seven this morning…' he mumbled aloud, throwing a glance at his watch.

They had worked until very late in the night and it had paid off. The bacterial cultures were stored in development tanks so they would be ready to strike on Christmas. Dib was always surprised at how much work both of them could accomplish when they stopped fighting. It was almost fun, tinkering with alien technology and experiment with stuff that was illegal everywhere on Earth.

In fact, he had come to like these temporary peaceful days. After the first year or so, he had come to wait for them like a child would wait for a Christmas gift. During those twelve days, Zim would become an ally, even something as weird as a friend. That is, until last year.

'Stop it, Dib' he admonished himself. 'Don't go down that track again.'

He finished getting dressed and took an elevator to meet Zim on the main floor of the house. The alien had prepared a room for him in the underground base and given him limited access to the laboratories. Of course, the computer was always monitoring his presence, but Dib had already proved to be trustworthy in the past.

The teenager got off the fridge elevator to find the alien standing in the living room, looking proudly at an oversized pig.

'Huh, Zim… What is that thing?' asked Dib.

'It's the Voot carrier!'

'…why is it in the shape of a pig?'

'So we won't be noticed, of course! You hyumuns and your stoo-pid questions…'

'But Zim, it's a giant pig, everyone's gonna notice us…'

'Nonsense! I've used it in the past and no one ever guessed its alien nature. Except those idiotic hyumuns that smelled like feet and made me their god, but I'd rather not talk about this' concluded Zim with a shiver.

Dib put on his trench coat and decided not to ask further. They exited the house, Zim pulling the floating pig with a rope.

'You look like a little kid with a balloon' snickered Dib, throwing him a sidelong glance.

'Do not mock me!' warned Zim with a raised finger. 'I've grown!'

'You're still diminutive compared to everyone our age, Zim.'

'But on Irk, I would be considered a Taller and could easily run for Tallest, with a few more inches! I would command the entire armada and burn your filthy planet to ashes!'

'Even with an entire fleet you wouldn't be able to get past me' said Dib with a roll of the eyes. 'I'll still be there to stop you at every turn, space boy.'

'Keep dreaming, hyumun' said Zim with a lopsided smile.

They walked back to Dib's house in companionable silence. No one bothered to glance their way and it was fine like that. Dib frowned at all the Christmas decorations they saw on the way.

'Stupid people, they never listen, do they?' he grumbled.

'What are you on, Dib-thing?'

'We keep telling them every year not to do anything Christmassy and they still put on decorations, sing Christmas carols, give presents and all that stuff. It only gives more power to the Santa suit!'

'I told you hyumuns are made of dumb, do not act surprised.'

'I know, but it makes the battle more difficult every year! Someday we won't be strong enough to fend him off and we'll have to hide under a huge glass dome of something like that and wait that he goes away…'

'Do not panic, silly boy, for Zim has the weaponry to reduce him to ashes! You will see, we'll upgrade both our ships with awesome nifty weapons that go boom and we'll get him, this year!'

'…Why do you do this, again?'

'Because it's fun!' answered Zim with a manic smile.

'This can't be it, you have all the destruction you need all year long. Why do you bother defending a planet you want to destroy?'

'No one but Zim will get to destroy the humans!' claimed the alien with a raised fist. 'This has become PERSONNAL!'

He turned around and pointed at a passerby on the other side of the road.

'You hear me, filthy hyumun? Zim will annihilate you and your stinky progenitors and all your loved ones and your little dog too! Just wait and seeeeeee!'

'Ooooookay…' said slowly the passerby. 'Merry Christmas to you too, sir!'

'Foolish hyumun!' yelled Zim. 'Have you no sense of self-preservation?!?'

Dib took him by the arm before the alien could cross the street to rant some more. Zim hissed and took back his arm, then smacked Dib's head once again.

'Unhand me, filthy beast!' snapped the Invader.

'No need to do that' grunted Dib, pressing a hand against his head. 'You were getting sidetracked again. We have no time to lose with petty arguments.'

'Do not touch the almighty ZIM without his permission!'

'Geez, calm down! I won't do it again, alright?'

'You better not' said the alien in a menacing tone.

Dib frowned and grabbed the rope from Zim's claws.

'Just hurry, I want to get this over with' muttered the teenager, walking away.

* * *


	4. Chapter 3, December 16

**December 16**

_On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…three bloody gashes._

Dib frowned and readjusted his goggles over his eyes. The chemicals he was handling were highly unstable and dangerous, but it only added more to the thrill. It had been months since he'd felt so challenged in the fields of science. Since his father locked up the basement lab to prevent Dib of stealing technology so he could hunt down paranormal creatures (mostly Zim), he never had the possibility to play with anything more dangerous than paste.

Zim had asked him to find an powerful mix that could multiply the strength of their weapons. The alien had disappeared all day long to work on something else and hadn't shown up since. Dib was so focused on the chemicals he didn't hear Zim enter the lab.

The alien resisted the urge to scare the human and stayed near the entrance, watching attentively. He crossed his arms and wiggled his antennas from right to left, waiting for the good moment to speak.

Dib added three drops of a clear pink substance to a purple one and watched the mix turn a vibrant green. A huge smile illuminated his face.

'It works!' he said happily. 'I can't believe it works!'

'I'm as surprised as you are' snorted the alien.

Dib turned around and took his goggles off.

'Hey Zim!' he greeted with a happy smile. 'Come and take a look at this!'

The alien seemed taken aback by the human's good mood, but complied anyways. He narrowed his eyes at the multiple colored test tubes in front of him.

'Those are very original choices' he commented with an appreciative raise of his antennas. 'Most of them won't work, though…'

'I was thinking of stabilizing them with this' said Dib, pointing at another test tube.

'Yes… this can work…' muttered Zim thoughtfully. 'I am impressed, Dib-thing.'

He lifted his head to find Dib looking elsewhere, a blush gracing his features.

'Thanks' muttered the teenager with a nonchalant shrug.

'What's up with you, human?' asked Zim with a narrowed eye. 'You've been acting weird, this year.'

'Nothing to worry about' grumbled Dib.

'Does it have to do anything about what happened last Christmas?'

'I told you not to mention that!'

'And I told you I do whatever I want! So speak, Dib-human!'

'What do you want me to say? It was stupid, what I did. A mistake. I spent the last year regretting it! So you don't have to worry, I won't be trying something like that again!'

'What assures me that…'

'It's over, all right? What I may have said and done doesn't mean anything! I was under heavy stress, I thought we were both going to die!'

'But you…'

'Just leave me alone, Zim! Everything was fine before you came!'

The alien took a second to wonder if he meant when he came in the room or came to Earth. Not satisfied with the answers, he pushed some more.

'Your unstable hyumun mood swings can be a threat to the mission, Dib!' warned the Invader. 'I won't let them endanger both of us once again!'

'JUST SHUT UP!' yelled Dib. 'YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT –'

He didn't see the claws coming, but felt them hit his cheek so hard he had to back off a few steps to regain his equilibrium. He pressed a hand to his face and brought it before his eyes. It was covered in red blood.

'You fucking BASTARD!' he yelled. 'We had a truce!'

'It's still on, you moron!' snapped the Invader. 'Be careful with –'

'You didn't like me yelling at you, I get it! But there's no need for this!' he exclaimed, showing the three bloody gashes on his cheek.

'Idiot hyumun, are you EVER going to LISTEN TO ZIM?!?'

'Forget it!' snapped the teenager before going out the lab.

Zim watched the sliding door close once again after him. The alien let out an Irken swear word.

'Stoo-pid ungrateful dirtbag!' he hissed, bringing a gloved hand to eye-level.

The glove had been eaten trough by a chemical that dripped from a test tube on a higher shelf. It would have landed on Dib's head if he hadn't pushed it out of the way. It hurt like being mauled by a slaughtering rat person, but Irken skin would heal in a couple of hours. It would have literally eaten right trough Dib's skull.

Dib was sitting on his bed, fuming with rage. He had been sulking for the past hour, with no intention of going out. He knew he couldn't afford to lose so much time, but right now, working with Zim was out of the question.

He pressed a wet towel to his cheek, having to change it often. Irken claws were strong, the wound was deep. It had taken a whole ten minutes for it to stop bleeding too much. Right now it was okay, but he had to apply constant pressure on it.

The door opened and Zim entered without asking for permission.

'I don't want to see you' warned the teenager.

'Foolishness' retorted Zim with a roll of the eyes.

He sat next to Dib on the bed and placed a metallic box between them. Dib recognized the Irken symbol for medical supplies.

'Show me that wound' ordered the Invader.

'What, so you can cut me deeper?' snapped Dib. 'No way!'

'Stop acting like a worm-baby and do it! I need to properly clean it before it gets infected! You don't want an infection to eat trough your humongous head and disfigure you, no? So get moving!'

Dib reluctantly obeyed. He turned his head sideways while the alien cleaned the wound with a weird looking blue gel that smelled like raspberries. He noticed that the alien's right hand was not wearing a glove, but some Irken bandages.

'What happened to your hand?' he asked without thinking.

'What would have happened to your ugly face if you had stayed a second longer on the same spot' grumbled Zim in concentration. 'It would have gotten uglier.'

Dib's eyes popped open in realization. He tried to turn his head to face Zim, but strong claws put it back where it was.

'Don't move, stinky thing' ordered the alien. 'Zim is working.'

A moment passed in silence, while Zim worked on closing the wounds with an Irken laser. Dib did his best not to move, but the situation was too weird, even for him.

'Listen, Zim…' he mumbled after the Irken was done with the laser. 'Thanks for that, I guess. And sorry… for being such an ass.'

'You've always been an ass and I never heard you apologizing for it. Don't do it again. It's weird.'

'Okay' muttered the teenager, regaining the control of his head. 'I know I've been acting weird, I'll stop it, all right?'

'Zim is pleased' he said with an affirmative nod. 'Though I doubt you'll ever act normal' he added with a snicker. 'You're weird, even compared to your species, Dib-thing.'

'You're no better, space boy' answered Dib with an amused smile.

'Keep deluding yourself' answered the alien with a small pat on Dib's healed cheek. 'Come now, we must finish those chemicals.'

He got up and walked out, leaving Dib sitting on his bed, a pensive hand pressed against his cheek.

* * *


	5. Chapter 4, December 17

**December 17**

_On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… four burritos._

'Those people disgust me' grunted Dib, both hands in his coat pockets.

'I've been telling you the same thing since I got here' snickered Zim. 'I'm glad it got trough your thick skull at last!'

'You know what I mean' answered the teenager. 'Look at that, it's horrible!'

He made a swooping motion with his arm, not sure what exactly what disgusted him most. The shoppers running left and right, the fake Santa collecting money for charity, the children singing carols, the Christmas trees covered in lights, the abuse of the color red of even the mistletoe hanging over the doorsteps.

'Yes, reindeers are truly horrifying' said Zim without an inch of sarcasm.

'It's so infuriating! Don't they remember what happened only some years ago? Or even last year? They almost got obliterated by that stupid Santa costume! We've been telling them not to indulge in the Christmas spirit, but do hey listen? NO!'

'Dib-thing, nobody ever listens to you' snickered the Invader. 'You should be used to that, by now.'

'But _you_ listen, Zim' noted the human.

'I do. But I don't care.'

He opened the Krazy Taco door and waited expectantly for Dib to get inside too.

'Take a seat while Zim orders' said the alien. 'And don't attack anybody while you wait, I don't want to get you out of prison like two years ago.'

'That guy totally had it coming!' said Dib in a defensive tone. 'He was handing toys to orphans in an elf costume!'

Zim rolled his fake eyes and went to wait in line. Dib sat and glared at a family wearing Santa hats. He had thought it would be great to get out of Zim's base for a bit, but now he was having second thoughts. At least he got some fresh air and a meal out of it. It had taken lots of energy to convince Zim that he needed more than waffles to get going. GIR destroying the kitchen was the perfect opportunity to go and get some food.

Some time later, Zim came back with food for the both of them. He placed the trails on the table and patted Dib's head like one would do to a pet.

'Good boy, you didn't bite anyone' he snickered.

'Get off my case' grumbled the teenager.

'Eat and stop being such a teenage hyumun' said the Invader with a roll of his artificial eyes.

He pushed two burritos towards Dib and started nitpicking on his own.

Dib kept silent while he ate. He was ravenous. All this work and experimentations had made him forget hunger or any need to sleep. He was fascinated with everything he could accomplish with the right equipment. Even working alongside Zim was interesting. Since their argument and reconciliation the day before, things had been easier. It was hard to contain the tension that seemed to accumulate between them, but they managed to channel that energy into work.

Zim watched him eat with no small amount of disgust. He may tolerate this particular human, but Earthian food always sickened him. Dib finished his burritos, took a large sip of soda and let his gaze fall on Zim's plate.

'You gonna eat that?' he asked.

'…No. Not now. Not ever' answered the alien, pushing the plate towards him.

He didn't feel the need to eat, so he had bought his plate only to keep appearances.

'Thanks' said Dib, starting to eat the third burrito at a slower pace. 'It's strange, don't you think?'

'What?'

'This. Eating normally like… friends would do' said the teenager with caution.

Zim thought a moment about it, unsure about this conversation.

'Zim would rather use the term "allies"' concluded the alien.

'I can live with that' shrugged the human, looking sideways.

Zim frowned, recognizing one of Dib's moods he had seen often since last year. It all had started with that battle they almost lost and –

'DIIIB!' squealed a voice.

They both jumped in surprise and turned around. A girl came skipping towards them, her long red and green scarf trailing behind her.

'…Huh… Hi, Gretchen' greeted Dib in an unsure tone.

'How have you been?' she asked with a smile full of braces. 'You haven't come to school for days!'

'I had… other things on my mind' he answered evasively.

'I hope it's nothing too bad' said the girl.

'Nothing much, really' answered bitterly Dib. 'Only the annual fight against Evil-Santa, protecting the world from impending doom, risking my life, the usual…'

'Oh, that sounds so fun!' she chirped.

'Not really' said Dib. 'And, huh, Gretchen, could you take off your scarf and burn it? It's way too jolly to be safe, you know? I've been telling everyone to stop celebrating Christmas for years, it only adds power to –'

'Look! Mistletoe!' she squealed, pointing at some white berries above their heads. 'You know what that means, right?'

'Gretchen, I just told you that – '

'Just one little kiss, Dib, don't be shy – '

A laser went past their heads and reduced the mistletoe to ashes. They both turned towards the source of the shot and saw Zim, bearing the most innocent face ever.

'Spontaneous combustion' he simply said. 'What are the odds, huh?'

Gretchen looked weirded out for a moment but got back to Dib.

'My mum is making gingerbreads cookies today' she said with a flirtatious wink. 'Want to come home and taste them? They're delicious!'

'No, sorry Gretchen' sighed Dib in exasperation. 'I have other plans today –'

'But what can be so important? You're not even coming to Skool, so it can't be homework…'

'The Dib and I had planned to go back to my home, eat dinner, watch a movie, then have mad kinky monkey gay sex on the couch before the credits roll' interrupted Zim.

Both Gretchen and Dib turned to watch him with saucer-wide eyes.

'You did?' asked Gretchen.

'We did?!?' asked Dib.

'Of course my love-pig' purred Zim, taking one of Dib's hands between his gloved claws. 'You promised me some quality time and hot sweaty man loving, you remember? It was in the shower this morning…'

'…Huh…' was the only intelligible answer Dib had to offer.

'Oh' said Gretchen with a crestfallen look. 'Sorry boys, I didn't mean to interrupt your romantic dinner… I'll leave you two alone, 'kay? See ya…'

She went off muttering something that sounded like "…should have seen that one coming…"

Dib turned back to Zim, an incredulous expression on his face.

'What was that?!?' he shrieked.

'I was getting rid of the metal-mouth monster' scoffed Zim. 'Don't thank me too loudly.'

'I'm not thanking you! Now all the Skool is going to believe we're gay! And worse, together!'

'You seem to believe the rest of the Skool cares about you' noted the Invader. 'Gossip never revolves around us, Dib-monkey.'

'But, but… Gretchen won't even look at me now! She's the only girl who has shown any kind of interest in me, since… ever!'

'You don't even like her' said the alien with a smirk. 'No more than any other human female. Which is weird, I've studied your species and normal male humans your age get ridiculously attracted to the female ones. Their pitiful attempts at seduction are quite laughable, really.'

'You know nothing' mumbled the boy. 'Anyway, Gretchen is not really pretty, so…'

'She's less ugly than she was before' noted Zim with a small smirk. 'Nice haircut, and fitting clothes, anything a human boy would want…'

'I'm going to believe that _you_ have developed a liking for human girls' said Dib with a raised eyebrow.

'Nah, those bumpy things on their chests would get in the way' snickered the alien. 'Can I get my hand back, now?'

Dib was surprised to see they were still holding hands over the table. He took his arm back, failing to hide a blush.

'That meant nothing' mumbled Dib, more to himself than to Zim.

'Of course not' said the Invader. 'Now finish your last burrito so we can hurry home and finish that plasma canon. If you're good, maybe we can watch that movie' he added with a smirk.

Dib felt his face heat-up. If he didn't have evidence of the contrary, he would have sworn Zim was hitting on him.

* * *


	6. Chapter 5, December 18

**December 18**

_On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… five wicked grins._

Dib crawled under Tak's ship to connect two wires together. He had been working for hours, repairing the damage caused by his last battle against Zim. It was long and hard work, but it was satisfying to get his hands dirty.

Zim watched from the cockpit of his own Voot Cruiser with a raised antenna. The teenager was on his hands and knees, jean-clad butt wiggling in Zim's direction and just begging for a slap, or a pinch, or…

'… a screw?' asked the Dib-human.

'What?' said the Invader, getting back to reality.

'Give me a screw, please,' repeated the boy. 'The box is over there,' he said, pointing to a toolbox some distance away.

Zim got off the cockpit and handed him the box. Dib turned around and met Zim's wicked grin.

'Huh, what?' asked Dib. 'Is there something on my face?'

'Not exactly,' smirked the Invader.

'You're weird,' concluded Dib, going back to his work.

Zim got back to his cockpit and started downloading a program that would link his Voot Runner to the Mega-Doomer he was building at the same time. Once in a while, the temptation to look was too strong and forced him to steal little glances at what could be seen of Dib.

The teenager crawled out and brushed the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.

'Is it hot in here or is it just me?' he asked Zim.

'It's you, Dib,' answered the alien with a smirk.

'It's weird, this room wasn't so warm earlier…' he wondered out loud. 'This house has great isolation, because it's freezing outside.'

'Yes, GIR has his tongue stuck to a lawn gnome since this morning,' snickered Zim.

'You think we should help him?'

'And ruin the peace and calm we've had today? Nonsense! I don't want another disaster like yesterday!'

'It's true that we lost many hours getting the kitchen back to it's former state…'

'I am NEVER allowing him to make guacamole EVER AGAIN!'

'Good idea,' smirked Dib.

Zim got out the Voot cockpit and walked to Tak's ship.

'How are the repairs going?' he asked.

'The internal repairs are done, the only missing thing is the left engine and it's getting repaired by your computer. We can start installing the new program as soon as you want.'

'Splendid,' snickered Zim. 'You'll see, it will be so powerful that Evil-Santa won't stand a chance against us!'

'I sure hope,' grinned Dib.

'_Master, the engine is ready,'_ said the house computer.

'Perfect! Bring it here!' ordered Zim.

The floor opened and the engine appeared on a metallic tray. They spent the next hour fixing it to Tak's ship. They often had to power it on in order to check the connections, so the room got hotter and hotter. Zim's subtle order to the computer to slowly increase the room's temperature didn't help. Dib got to the point where he couldn't stand it anymore and removed his T-shirt. When he disentangled himself from the fabric, it was to face yet again a satisfied smile on Zim's face.

'…Why are you grinning for?' wondered Dib out loud.

'I'm mocking your pitiful hyumun body,' answered smoothly the Invader. 'It has no efficient heat regulation. Now with a pak you wouldn't need to remove layers of clothing.'

'That pak of yours would be more impressive if you could survive more than ten minutes without it, space boy,' snickered Dib.

Zim made a mocking talking gesture with his hand and climbed in the cockpit of Tak's ship. He pressed some buttons here and there, pulled some levers, twisted some knobs. Dib waited patiently, leaning on the side of the ship and keeping an eye on the process.

Zim suddenly lifted his head and smiled wickedly.

'Diiiib?' he asked in a sweet tone. 'I left the program disk on top of the ship, could you get it for me pleaaaaaaase?'

Dib, totally suspicious after hearing the word "please" threw him a weird glance and stoop on tip toe to reach the disk. In doing so, he gave Zim a delicious view of his stretched naked torso. The alien had managed to get his innocent façade back when the teenager handed him back the disk.

'Why would you put it there?' he asked. 'I swore I saw it on the table a moment ago.'

'Nonsense, you're seeing things,' brushed off the alien.

Dib threw him another suspicious glance and went to sit nearby, a heavy sigh getting past his lips.

'This place is a real inferno,' he complained. 'I'm melting, here!'

'Stop your whining and do something about it, then,' cut off Zim.

'What do you want me to do, take off my pants?' asked Dib in a sarcastic tone of voice.

He could have sworn the smile Zim sent him was downright evil.


	7. Chapter 6, December 19

_We're halfway there already! _

_Thanks for the wonderful reviews, they give me a warm feeling to my squeedly-spooch! _

_For those who enjoyed Zim's behavior last chapter... He's getting worse!_

_Worse... or better?_

* * *

**December 19**

_On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… six reasons to blush._

Dib was edgy. Something wasn't right, he could feel it. Every time he turned around, he could sense Zim's stare on him, but whenever he got back at him is was to find the alien engrossed in something else. The first three times, he chalked it up to paranoia, but after a couple of hours of this little game, he wasn't so sure anymore.

They were sitting in Zim's simulator, their chairs next to each other. The Invader had programmed the computer to show them the interior of the ships they were going to use in battle. This little exercise was to get used to the new controls and new weapons. Zim was explaining how the multiple additions would change the ship's maneuverability, and Dib was really, honestly, sincerely doing his best to listen.

But Zim himself rendered the task difficult.

Dib had no idea what had crossed the Invader's mind that morning, but he had suddenly decided for a drastic change of clothes. He had talked about fitting in and staying inconspicuous, but the teenager doubted he would stay unnoticed dressed like THAT.

He didn't know what was worse. The tight pink sleeveless shirt, marked with the Irken symbol, that showed a great deal of shoulders and belly skin, or the reaaaaaaaaaaally tight black pants that were hanging just too low on his waist and fitted his every move. To complete the ensemble, Zim had put on some black gloves that went past the elbow and had added a black leather choker to his neck. The result was something very disturbing for poor Dib's mind and his neglected libido.

'…should not have any problems doing this maneuver. How about you try it now, human? Human? …Dib?'

The teenager snapped back to reality and realized he had been caught staring at Zim's neck. He tried to suppress an embarrassed blush.

'Were you even listening to me?' said Zim with more amusement than animosity.

'Huh… Yeah, you were talking about the weight of the missiles slowing down the ship and…'

'That was ten minutes ago, Dib-thing,' snickered Zim. 'I think it's time for a little break, we've been working for hours.'

Dib nodded appreciatively, he didn't know if he could concentrate any longer on boring simulations when he had such a… delicious… instructor sitting right next to him. When he turned around to propose something, he couldn't stop his face from darkening and his eyes from popping open. Zim was stretching his arms above his head, eyes closed in bliss, antennas brushing against each other, shirt riding up and exposing an enticing amount of green skin and…

…moaning the most satisfied and suggesting moan in the history of moans.

"Moaning like this should be illegal," thought Dib, fidgeting on his seat.

Zim got back to normal, but his antennas kept slowly brushing. The alien got up from his chair and walked to the simulator's console. With a push of a button, the interior of the ship disappeared and they were back in Zim's base once again.

When Zim turned around, a wicked smile on his face, he was thrown off by the fact that the human was staring at his antennas.

'Dib-thingie?' he asked. 'Why are you looking at my lekkus?' _and not at my amazingly delicious posterior?_ continued his mind.

'Huh…' started Dib, unsure about that himself. 'I was just, hem… I've never seen you do that with them before, that's all…'

Zim smiled a conniving smile.

'Don't tell anyone I did, then,' he muttered. 'On my planet, it's not something you do in public…'

'How come?' asked Dib, always curious about alien life.

'They're… sensitive,' whispered Zim with a malicious grin.

It took Dib a moment to get the implications on that statement, but when he did, his face turned a violent red. He spluttered something, unsure what to answer to THAT, but Zim saved him from making a complete ass (and what a delicious ass) of himself.

'I've got an idea, Dib-thingie,' purred the Invader, still brushing antennas. 'Something that would help both of us release the humongous amount of tension since the beginning of this truce…'

Dib, still red, was trying really hard to get his mind out of the gutter. Zim had a nasty habit of using weird phrasing to express himself, it wouldn't be the first time he said something that could be read the wrong way…

'… because I've got to admit, working together night and day and living in such close quarters has left me restless…'

…or maybe the right way?

'… it's really _hard_, you know? For a alien _Invader_ to share his home with a _paranormal__ investigator_…'

How did he manage to make those words sound so_ wrong_?!?

'… so I'm proposing a little _game_, between the two of us, that can help us blow off some steam…'

Dib was paralyzed on his chair, mouth hung open and million of different scenarios crossing his mind. Could Zim really mean…?

The alien turned around and bent on the console to press some buttons. Dib got a generous view on how well the low rise pants fitted every single Irken muscles, and his blush got even worse if that was possible. He had no idea what the Invader was preparing but if he didn't learn soon, he was going to explode.

Zim tapped a code and the simulator presented a new setting. Dib jumped when he recognized his elementary Skool class. He was currently sitting at his old desk, next to the window. He turned around and saw the other students, still as kids, sitting and listening to the Doom chants of Mrs. Bitters.

He came back to Zim to find the alien walking slowly towards him, a wicked smile on his face. It was unsettling the see him without his disguise in front of everybody, and for a moment Dib had the sudden urge to point at him and yell to the class "SEE?!? I TOLD YOU HE WAS AN ALIEN!" He managed to suppress it and watched warily as his old nemesis approached his desk and placed both palms on it, dangerously approaching his face.

'Zim, what are you…' muttered the teenager, not knowing how to finish his question.

'I told you I have a little game to help you relieve your excess energy,' purred the Invader. 'Do you want to play with me?'

"This is wrong," thought the human. "In so many ways. And in Mrs. Bitters class?!? Freaky. Does he want to do it here, on the desk? That's… that's…"

'All right,' whispered Dib, red as the Massive, not trusting his own voice. 'I'll play.'

Zim sent him a dangerously evil smile, antennas still dancing in their sensuous way. Dib saw a clawed hand reach out, approach his chest, press on his heart, and…

'You're it,' snickered the Invader before running out the Skool holographic door.

Dib sat there, dumbfounded, while the class door closed after the alien. He could hear footsteps running away. After a moment or two, he jumped out of his chair and started the chase.


	8. Chapter 7, December 20

**December 20**

_On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… seven heart attacks._

Dib sighed out of tiredness and frustration. Things were getting weirder and weirder in the neon green house. Zim was his usual unpredictable self, but somehow he managed to surprise Dib at every turn. He had doubted it at first, but now he couldn't deny it: Zim was flirting with him. In a very direct, very unsubtle, very efficient way.

The teenager hit his head against the fridge and sighed again. It wouldn't do, he was falling for the same illusions again. He couldn't let himself believe any of this, it would hurt too much afterwards.

'It's like they say "Been there, done that,"' he muttered for himself.

'Talking to yourself again, Dib?' asked Zim from behind him.

Without lifting his head from the fridge or opening his eyes, Dib groaned. That was another thing: Zim had taken to call him simply by his name. It felt strange, way too familiar to be natural. The lack of disdainful suffix hit much deeper than he'd like to admit.

'Did you find clothes that fit?' asked Dib to the fridge.

Zim had gotten drenched in Voot lubricant goo when he "accidentally" tripped while transporting a bucket full of the stuff. He had thrown a fit, removed his wet top while complaining that it was the only one that fit him. Dib had taken a moment or two to recover from the shock, suppressed an embarrassed cough and proposed to let him borrow some of his own human clothes while the computer dried the other ones. Zim had left him work while he went to raid his closet once again.

After a full day of work, Dib was exhausted, hungry and frustrated. He would have liked nothing better to stop listening to his annoying voice of reason and take whatever deal Zim was ready to propose, but he had no way of being sure if the Invader was serious in his advances or merely humoring him. Or worse, mocking him.

'I had some problems with the pants, they were too large for me,' answered the Invader while browsing the contents of a kitchen cupboard.

Dib, curious, turned around and almost choked. Zim really had problems finding pants that fit, so he didn't put any. He had borrowed Dib's favorite shirt, the blue one with the smiley face on it, and was currently stretching to get a bottle from the top shelf. Of course, the already short shirt rose even higher, hiding just enough so Dib's imagination could run rampant.

Having enough of being ridiculed, Dib walked straight up to him, took the bottle from the shelf and handed it to him with a glare.

'Was that what you were looking for?' he asked a little harshly.

'...Yes?' said the alien.

'Good. I'll be eating then.'

Dib turned back to the fridge, took the first thing that he saw and placed it in the microwave. It turned out to be GIR's last culinary creation of bologna, motor oil and chocolate pudding, if the smell was any indication. Zim raised an antenna but was met with Dib's stony silence.

'…Dib?' he asked.

'What?' snapped the teenager.

'Are you…'

'Yes I'm okay, why are you asking?!?'

'…really going to eat that?' completed the alien. 'It's unsanitary and unfit for your inferior human body.'

Dib scoffed and marched to the sofa, where he sat, crossing his arms. He was a tired, hungry and horny teenager, so no one could say he had no right to act like this. He closed his eyes to forbid himself to glance towards Zim's direction, but he couldn't help keeping track of the sounds the alien made walking on the kitchen floor, opening the fridge, pressing the microwave buttons, humming the doom song…

'Why are you so happy?' asked coldly the human.

'Why are you so grouchy?' counter attacked the alien.

Dib refused to answer and admit that the alien's antics had any effect on him. He sat there in stony silence, getting startled by a sudden weight next to him on the sofa.

'Eat, worm-baby,' ordered Zim. 'I don't want you to be sick and full of germs, not four days before the fight.'

Dib opened his eyes and almost couldn't believe what was on the small table. A plate containing two slices of pizza, leftover from GIR's breakfast. The bacon smelled delicious. Next to that sat the previous bottle and two empty glasses.

'What's that?' asked Dib, forgetting his bad mood with the first bite of pizza.

'Linaru,' answered Zim with a grin. 'Vort's best alcohol.'

'Huh?' asked Dib with a raised eyebrow. 'What for?'

'Drinking, you moron,' retorted Zim. 'Stop asking stupid questions!'

'You know what I mean! Is there anything special you want to celebrate?'

'Yes, the fact that our weapons are ready!' smiled giddily the Invader.

'But they're not done yet, the computer…'

'…still has to upgrade their programs into the ships and calibrate everything, I know I know,' answered the alien with a dismissive hand gesture. 'But our work is done for now, we can't do anything more for tonight. So I thought we could have a nice dinner, drink a little bit and watch an horror movie, how about it?'

This had the words "Bad idea" stamped all over. Dib knew it. Yet, the alien had been nice enough to bring him pizza, oh delicious pizza, and he wanted to share his best drink with him, and a movie didn't sound so bad right now, he was too tired to go back to his room and _damn_ did Zim had hot legs…

Zim filled both glasses with the amber liquid and extended one to Dib.

'To truces,' smiled the Invader, raising his glass.

'Whatever,' muttered Dib.

He took a sip and his eyes popped open in pleasant surprise. The liquid was warm and and tasted like cinnamon and peaches. He wasn't an expert in alcoholic beverages, but he knew this Linaru was literally out of this world.

'How is it?' asked Zim with a knowing smirk.

'Incredible!' admitted Dib. 'Whoa, those Vortians sure know how to live!'

'Yes, it was an impressive species. They did create the world's most comfortable couches and their technology is unmatched by anyone short of a Meekrob…'

'…wait, weren't they the ones your people invaded even though they were your allies?'

'Exactly! No one is a match for the Irken Armada! NO ONE!'

Dib rolled his eyes and took another sip of Linaru. It warmed him and gave him a fuzzy feeling that dissipated his anger and frustration. He closed his eyes and smiled contently. For a good moment he just sat there, half-listening to Zim's rants about how superior his race was and how they were going to rule the Universe one day. He kept taking small sips, making sure of not drinking too much. It wouldn't do to loose control on these circumstances.

He didn't even notice Zim's silence, but he did feel the clawed hand on his upper leg. Dib's breath suddenly caught and his heart stopped beating.

'…Zim?' he asked out loud.

'You've been sitting there for more than five minutes, grinning like an idiot,' answered the alien, as if that explained the intrusive hand. 'Are you feeling okay?'

Dib opened his eyes, expecting the room to spin. But it didn't, it was just lit up in this warm glow… He turned his face and smiled at Zim. He wasn't drunk, but he was feeling… light. And content.

'I feel great, which is a wonder for me,' he snickered. 'What's in that stuff? Drugs?'

'No, at least not like what you humans call drugs. It's a brew of several plants from the Vortian system, but the recipe is kept a secret even now. It has the most relaxing properties of this part of the galaxy.'

'Hmmm… I totally believe you,' said Dib, closing his eyes once again. 'That's stuff is awesome.'

'Here, let me fill your glass…'

An hour went by and the living room was lit up only with the television glow. On the screen, a human girl was screaming bloody murder. Maybe because she had every reason to. Her psychopathic ex-boyfriend was currently busy chopping off her legs with a chainsaw. It was gory and horrible, and Dib couldn't help but smile contently at this.

He was on a little happy cloud made of marshmallows and sunshine. He was on his third drink of Linaru and life was great. The movie was good, the pizza filled him, Zim was looking sexy and smelled good and sat next to him and was whispering on his ear…

What?

Dib jumped and moved away, regaining some of his senses back. He hadn't felt the Invader slip so close to him but he now found himself almost trapped against the armrest. He watched the alien with panicked eyes and pressed a hand against his left ear.

'…what's up with you?' asked Zim over the yelling.

'…sensitive…' grumbled the teenager, looking sideways. 'I'm not used to people touching them.'

'Oh,' was Zim's only answer.

'Anyways,' he changed the subject, 'what were you saying again?'

'I was asking if you wanted another glass of Linaru. Yours is empty.'

Dib threw a glance at his glass and wondered when he had finished that one too. He wanted another one really badly, because it was so good, but his annoying inner voice told him that three glasses (or was it four?) was more than enough.

'No, thanks,' he declined politely. 'I don't want to get wasted, you know? Not here, in your base, and not so soon before the battle…'

'Oh, but there are still things you have to learn about Linaru,' whispered Zim, getting somewhat closer, his antennas brushing. 'It has the property of leaving absolutely no hangover…'

He filled Dib's glass again and pressed the rim against the teenager's lips.

'…so one little glass can't hurt us, can it?'

'…I… can't…' Dib's resolve was starting to melt under the intense crimson stare.

'Why is that, _Dib_? What are you scared of?'

_You. Me. This. _

'I'm not scared,' he said, taking a sip and immediately feeling the warmth spread through him.

On the screen, the woman got cut into little pieces, but they had forgotten her. There was only both of them, this couch, the Linaru and the intense stare that none of them wanted to break.

'…Zim…' whispered Dib. 'What is… I don't…'

'Shhh,' whispered Zim, placing a gentle claw on Dib's lips. 'Don't over question it. It's the Linaru talking.'

'…what do you mean?'

'It has the power to remove all barriers,' smirked the Invader. 'It's often used as a truth serum or… as an aphrodisiac.'

That stopped Dib's breath. Aphrodisiac? And Zim had wanted to share this with him? What could that possibly mean? What did the alien want from him, damnit?!?

He didn't get the time to think further, because suddenly, to his great surprise, the empty Linaru glass was knocked aside, Zim's lithe body was lying on top of his and the alien was savagely ravaging his mouth. Dib didn't try to think anymore, he just went with the flow.

'_The Dib and I had planned to go back to my home, eat dinner, watch a movie, then have mad kinky monkey gay sex on the couch before the credits roll.'_

They did.


	9. Chapter 8, December 21

AN:...You're all gonna hate me...

* * *

**December 21**

_On the eight day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… eight nifty weapons._

Zim sat on his favorite computer chair, claws holding the armrests in a solid grip. In front of him, three screens were playing different scenes. The first one was the living room's camera and currently showed Dib, sprawled on the couch, dressed in yesterday's clothes and sleeping soundly. He was softly snoring in his sleep and looked sated and content. His hair was more tousled than usual, but the Invader knew the exact reason of their unkemptness. He grinned smugly remembering the activities of the night prior. Oh, how the Dib had moaned…

In fact, the Dib had been very vocal. And that was part of the problem, wasn't it?

The second screen was a recording taken from the same camera, but was dated from a couple of hours ago. It showed both of them having sex on the pink couch. It had been rough, sweaty, and very satisfying. Dib was more fun that he had given him credit during all those years.

The third screen showed a video recorded by his own synthetic eyes, downloaded from his pak. It was a year old and showed a panicked Dib sobbing over his own almost unconscious body, talking and talking and saying things that had meant nothing back then and still meant nothing now. What use were the "I need you, don't die please, don't leave me" for an member of the Irken elite?

Dib had this problem of saying everything out loud. It had gotten him in trouble in the past, but the Linaru surely hadn't helped his case. On the second screen, the teenager was getting more and more vocal with each pant, his voice growing into an unstoppable crescendo of blabbering.

'…_ohmyGobpleasedon'tstopyesjustrightthereyou'reawesomeyesyesohmyGodIloveyoupleasehardermoremore…'_

Zim stopped the tape and replayed the last bit for the umpteenth time.

'…_ohmyGodIloveyouplease…'_

The alien lowered his antennas and narrowed his eyes. Something was wrong here. Very wrong. Dib wasn't supposed to… In fact, yes he was. Zim had been fully aware of the weird attraction the human had developed for him, he had suspected it for quite some time before getting the proof during last Christmas. In fact, the Invader had fully abused this knowledge to get what he wanted, in this case being inside Dib's pants. It had been easy to manipulate Dib's attraction and teenage hormones into getting him to comply with his wishes, but something had gone so horribly, tragically, wrong. So wrong that Zim couldn't even begin to calculate the repercussions of these damned three syllables the humans were so fond of.

'…_IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou…'_

Zim let go of the repeat button and frowned. Something was eating at his squeedly-spooch and it sure wasn't GIR's cooking, he had made sure not to touch the breakfast of tuna and Cheese Wizz the SIR unit had prepared that morning.

He went back to the first screen and saw Dib stir and groan in his sleep. He scratched his belly, yawned and scratched lower, and Zim just couldn't keep his eyes away from the darker patch of skin that disappeared under the jeans. That was Invaded territory. He should be able to move on. Been there, done that, as those pitiful humans say. But still, he watched as Dib slowly sat on the couch and frowned, trying to figure why he wasn't in his room. Trying to remember the night's events. But he wouldn't.

Zim had made sure of that.

Linaru was such a wonderful beverage, with such amazing properties… Relaxing, liberating, aphrodisiac, you could do whatever you wanted, be yourself for a short period of time, and remember nothing of it the following morning. It was used in the best parties, like the ones the Tallest threw sometimes. Zim had heard tales of the lucky ones invited that would talk non-stop about how great the party was, without remembering any of it. Usually, everyone had to drink Linaru to stay on the same level, but Dib hadn't known that. And Zim had made sure not to drink a simple drop.

On the first screen, Dib stood up and dragged his feet to the kitchen. Zim switched cameras and watched him mumble something, scratch his head, look in the fridge, recoil in horror at GIR's idea of a balanced breakfast, and opt for the last slice of dried bread.

Hm, they'd have to go grocery shopping, or the human would start complaining about his basic needs again. Zim really did wonder if the human was worth all this trouble.

'…_IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou…'_

Yes, he did wonder…

* * *

Dib forced himself to down the last of the dry bread and grimaced. It had a weird aftertaste, almost like a cigarette butt. He didn't want to question where it had come from, now that the bread was actually in his stomach. He'd have to remind Zim once again that humans needed food to survive and convince him to spare some time to get more groceries. 

He frowned, trying to recall his dream. His head was fuzzy with a warm feeling, but images of green skin and red eyes danced on his mind. He could hear the groans, the screams, the pants, much more clearly than in any dream or fantasy he had since the beginning of his fucked up obsession. Maybe it was the Linaru increasing the intensity of his fantasies, maybe it was living in such close quarters with Zim, but he just wanted it to stop. He didn't need any more realistic images to fuel his delusions.

The garbage can lid opened and Zim stepped out, a weird look on his face. Gone was the teasing smile and the wicked grin. Dib was unsure whether to be disappointed or relieved. All this flirting would have broken his resolve someday. At least he was glad nothing too bad happened between them.

'Hey Zim,' greeted Dib with a smile. 'How's it going?'

'Fine,' was the Invader's short answer. 'Did you… sleep well?'

Dib raised an eyebrow. The alien had never cared about his sleep before, he even took a great deal of energy to clarify on what exactly he thought of this pathetic inferior human habit.

'Yeah, surprisingly, I did,' said Dib. 'I feel great, in fact. My muscles are a little bit sore, but that's what sleeping on a couch will do to you. How did I get there, anyway?'

'You fell asleep halfway through the movie.'

'I don't seem to remember the plot…'

'…It was very early during the movie.'

'If fact, I don't remember seeing a movie with you at all…'

'Did I say early? You were already snoring when I put the disk in the reader!'

Dib threw him a suspicious glance, but Zim was quick on changing the subject.

'Guess what Earth-monkey?' he said with a huge grin. 'Christmas has come early this year!'

'Oh shit! Is Evil-Santa already here?!?' shouted Dib, getting to his feet so fast his chair fell backwards. 'We have to get ready NOW! We didn't even have time to get everything on the space station, what the hell are we gonna do with the Megadoomers?!?'

'Calm down, Dib-worm!' shouted Zim over his hysteria. 'Zim said nothing about the Santa costume! I was talking about presents!'

That seemed to make it worse.

'What? Presents? You got presents?!? What's WRONG with you?!? Do you REALLY want evil-Santa to get more power?!? Is that one of your masochistic streaks, Zim?!?'

'Oh for the love of Irk will you SHUT YOUR STUPID HOLE FOR ONE SECOND?!?' yelled Zim. 'Let Zim do the talking, filthy beast!'

Dib frowned. Back to the name calling, huh? Even if it was more normal, he wouldn't have minded if Zim kept saying his given name without any kind of degrading suffix.

'I just wanted to say that the weapons are ready,' growled the Invader. 'But if you're too ungrateful to appreciate…'

'The weapons are ready?' interrupted Dib with a big smile. 'That's great!'

Zim wavered and lost some of his annoyance. He turned around and activated the couch elevator, big enough for the both of them.

The ride downwards was a teensy bit awkward. Zim kept his eyes narrowed at the door, antennas flattened against his head in thoughtfulness or frustration. Dib threw him little glances, trying to forget the vivid images of his dream that showed his enemy in so many diverse and interesting positions. It seemed that his mind was more wicked than he thought, because he didn't remember ever imagining one could do _that_ with Zim's spider legs…

They stopped at the hangar level and exited the elevator with no small amount of relief. The huge hall was kept in the dark, but Zim ordered the computer to illuminate the scene. Dib's mouth hung open and he couldn't stop a happy squeal from coming out.

'Satisfying, yes?' smirked the Invader.

'Oh my God I can't believe this, it's so… Whoa! You told me you were working on them but I just didn't imagine… It's GREAT!'

He ran towards two giant robots that vaguely looked like gundams. One was painted in tones of black and dark pink, the other one was sporting dark blue and silver. Zim pointed to the latter.

'This one is yours, Dib,' he smirked.

'This is AWESOME!' he yelled, running to his new toy.

'A new and modified Mega-doomer I've been building for the past year so we don't commit the same mistake than the last time,' admitted Zim with pride. 'This time, we won't be _in_ the robots, we're piloting them with our ships from a safe distance.'

'A stroke of genius!' admitted Dib, too caught up in his admiration of the destructive power of the machine to remember to act casual.

'It's equipped with the main plasma cannon…'

'Sweet!'

'…heat-seeking missiles coming from both arms…'

'Oh man, this is so great!'

'…magnetic grenades…'

'I love those!'

'…and the biochemical bombs we've been developing.'

'Brilliant!'

Zim watched Dib squeal his joy and couldn't suppress a fond smile for the teenager. Humans were so easy to please…

'This is not all,' said the Invader, suddenly wanting to impress him more. 'I've got your suit ready!'

'Show me, show me, show meeeeee!'

Zim walked to a nearby table where two space suits were laying next to each other. He took the one that matched Dib's Megadoomer.

'Equipped with the last or Irken technology: dorsal propulsion, invisible helmet, augmented strength and all sort of nifty goodies designed to keep your pitiful body alive in the vast emptiness of space.'

'This is so awesome!'

'You're repeating yourself, Dib-thing,' smirked the alien.

'I don't care!' smiled the human. 'These are the best gifts EVER!'

'Oh, wait, we're not done yet,' continued Zim. 'In case of hand-to-hand combat, I've equipped your suit with a practical laser handgun and gloves that can shoot electrical charges.'

Dib was almost teary with joy.

'I've never seen so much anti-Christmassy destruction power in my life,' he smiled. 'This is… I can't even find words, Zim.'

'Then don't talk,' smirked the Invader.

Dib took a look at all the assembled weaponry, their respective robots and came back to Zim.

'Santa is going down,' he said with a confident smile.

'Yes, he is,' approved the alien, unable to suppress the urge to smile back.

* * *

AN: Yeah, I pulled the "forgetting" card. But trust me, I know where I'm going with this. Next chapter was fun to write :D And rejoice, we don't have a lot left until Doomsday! 


	10. Chapter 9, December 22

AN: I just re-read Invader Zim's four pages comic about him ruling the Earth. It shows. And also, I want a ruling hat.

* * *

**December 22**

_On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…nine intrusive questions._

Dib loved going into space. The fulfillment of his childhood dream always brought a giddy feeling inside his belly, and he couldn't suppress a smile watching the stars from the cockpit of Tak's ship. Even if he had to do something as boring as haul the Megadoomer to the lunar base, he enjoyed every second of it.

"No one can ever grow tired of this," he thought to himself.

'Dib-monkey!' said Zim trough the communicator. 'I'm boooooooooooooooored!'

"…except Zim…" completed Dib to himself, before answering: 'What do you want me to do about it?'

'Entertain me!'

'…How? Do you want me to tell you jokes, or what?'

'Pff, human humor is laughable! In the not-funny way! And GIR has already told me all the blonde jokes in existence. Propose something else!'

'Damn, you're a difficult one,' he grumbled to Zim's face on the screen. 'Okay, huh… How about we play "I spy"? No, screw that, there's nothing besides stars in the black void of space. Or maybe we can play Twenty Questions.'

'What is that foolishness?'

'I think of a word, and you ask me questions I can only answer by yes or no and…'

'BO-RING!'

'Then why don't you propose something, mister_Almighty Invader_?'

'HA! You finally admit that Zim is an AMAZING IRKEN INVADER THAT WILL RULE YOUR FILTHY PLANET WITH AN IRON FIST AND SMASH ALL OF YOU UNDER MY INCREDIBLY FASHIONABLE PLATFORM BOOTS!'

'Stop yelling in the communicator,' sighed Dib. 'You're such a diva…'

'Oh, Zim knows!' he smiled. 'Zim will ask YOU questions, and you will answer them!'

'And why would I do that?' asked Dib irritably.

'Because I have photographic evidence of you stealing your sibling-unit's Gameslave batteries when you forgot to charge your laptop.'

'You… you wouldn't do that!' said Dib, his voice breaking in fear. 'That's below the belt!'

A small smirk appeared on Zim's face for a second when he heard the words "below the belt". It was gone in a flash, though.

'You're right, I won't do it… during our truce,' smirked the Invader. ' But I promise nothing after Christmas… Are you going to cooperate, Dibbeh?'

'All right, I will,' groaned Dib, wondering where the "Dibbeh" had come from. 'Ask away.'

Zim seemed to think for a moment, then lifted both his antennas.

'You don't seem to have a mother unit like the rest of the worm-babies,' he noted. 'Aren't you supposed to have one?'

Dib frowned, unsure about how to answer that. Could this information be useful to his enemy in the future? Maybe. But he had to admit, he was curious about the questions Zim would ask him. And the thought of Gaz finding about that battery theft was enough to make him comply.

'I don't have a mother,' he answered in a neutral voice. 'I discovered recently that I'm one of dad's many experiments.'

'What, did he try to clone a mongoose and failed?'

'Har har, now who's the comedian?' said Dib. 'No, he cloned himself. I was one of the first successfully cloned humans. Although the scientists say I'm a failed prototype because I don't think and act like my dad…'

'Thank Irk,' mumbled Zim. 'Your parental unit may be very nice and a good conversationalist, he is still boring as a parking structure planet.'

'I think my dad keeps me because he doesn't like to fail his experiments. He's been trying to brainwash me for years now, leading me to REAL SCIENCE instead of paranormal studies…'

'But I remember you leaving your paradigm-moral studies before. Didn't you try working with your parental unit?'

'Yeah, for a while…'

'Why did you leave, if it was what he wanted?'

'Because it was boring as hell!' exclaimed Dib, louder than he expected. 'Everything was so easy! There was no life and death situation, just research! Almost all the Earth's mysteries have already been uncovered, half of them by my dad! The only remaining stuff I had a small chance of discovering by myself was the paranormal, because he refused to touch any of it!'

He stopped ranting and tried to catch his breath. It was surprisingly relieving to let it out like that in the open. On the screen, Zim had raised an interrogative antenna but kept to himself in contemplative silence.

'So that's what motivated you to pursue Bigfeet and Count Chocula,' realized Zim. 'The human craving to do exactly the opposite of what the parental-units want.'

'It sounds so lame put like that…' grumbled Dib.

'Should I thank your progenitor for all the times you almost dissected me, then?' asked Zim with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

'Nah, that's just you, Zim,' replied Dib with a amused smile. 'I'm just dying to see what a squeedly-spooch looks like.'

'Why don't you use your X-ray goggles?'

'But it's not the same thiiiiing,' whined Dib playfully. 'Putting alien guts into labeled jars just has this wonderful appeal, you know?'

'So why do I still have my precious squeedly-spooch? You had the occasion to remove it several times over the years, Dib.'

The teenager lost his smile. On the screen, Zim's face was serious, almost inquisitive.

'I… I… I don't really know… I… Why are you asking me this, anyway?'

'Curiosity.'

'That's not a good reason!'

'Just answer, Dib.'

'I… I never dissected you for the same reason you never got around to kill me, is that good enough?'

Zim kept silent for a moment, then nodded.

'It is satisfying,' he answered.

An awkward silence stretched. Dib fidgeted under Zim's stare.

'How about another question?' proposed Dib, trying to change the subject.

'Well enough. Hm… Oh! Zim knows! Why haven't you managed to find a pitiful mate yet?'

'A mate?' repeated Dib. 'What, like a girlfriend?'

'…take it as you want,' answered the Invader. 'So, why? Are you too ugly or too stinky for any hyumun female to choose? Oh, I know! Your head is too big!'

'It's not!' came the automatic answer. 'And I'm not dating because I find all girls my age to be shallow and dumb. I wouldn't go out with a girl that's pretty but that thinks Fibonacci is an Italian shoe designer!'

'Fibo…huh?'

'A human scientist that elaborated a sequence using numbers and bunnies,' explained Dib with a roll of the eyes. 'The truth is, I never found any of them interesting enough so I could risk covering myself in shame trying to ask them out. Not like the other guys in Hi Skool. Their ridiculous macho male antics get on my nerves. I'm not that desperate of getting laid,' he concluded with a scoff.

Zim opened his mouth to retort something, seemed to change his mind, closed it and tried to suppress an amused smile.

'…Maybe you don't like human girls…' he proposed very helpfully.

'I do like them!' snapped back Dib. 'They're pretty, and, huh… sometimes funny, and… very, huh… complicated… And… Hey, I did almost go out with a girl! So I'm not a total dating virgin!'

'Huh? Who was that? Zim does not recall any of these pig-smellies ever approaching you, except the metal-mouth-monster, of course.'

Dib grumbled something, his eyes shifting away from the screen.

'What was that?' asked Zim.

'…It was Tak,' repeated Dib, still not catching his eye.

One or two seconds passed in complete silence. Then Zim burst out laughing.

'Oh, Irk, this is PRICELESS!' he shouted with glee. 'The only female that managed to catch your eye in all these years was not even HUMAN!'

'I didn't know that at first!' retorted Dib

While Zim kept giggling, Dib crossed his arms and frowned.

'She was the first one that was actually nice to me,' he mumbled. 'She listened. And she hated you. It was good enough for me, at the time…'

Zim took a moment to calm himself and tried to suppress his remaining snickers.

'Sooooooo… You have a thing for aliens,' he concluded. 'I am not surprised.'

'Don't generalize,' warned Dib.

'Do you like her?'

'Huh?' said Dib. 'I don't know, I haven't seen her in ages, and… I think I may have liked her before… I'm not sure, it's been a really long time, you know?'

'Would you _do_ her?'

'What?!? What kind of question is that?'

'The interesting kind.'

'It has no relevance whatsoever!'

'You would be surprised, Dibbeh. Aaaaaaand don't forget I have these photos…'

'But… but… Geez, alright. I'll answer, just let me think a moment. You mean, would I want to sleep with her as an Irken or as a human?'

'A hologram is only good for the eyes,' noted Zim. 'So?'

'…maybe,' mumbled Dib. 'I'm not totally… adverse… to experimenting…' he said without meeting Zim's eye.

'Yes, I know that,' answered the Invader without thinking.

Dib crossed his arms and kept his frown on the moon that kept getting bigger against the blackness of space. There was this touchy subject again.

'…Dib?' asked Zim tentatively. 'If the occasion ever presents itself… Let's say that I manage to rule the Earth but I realize the humans are still morons so I want to leave this ball of filth… Would you come with me to ride giant bunnies and drink space sodas?'

Dib's eyebrows rose up, surprise evident on his face. He wasn't expecting anything like _that_.

'…Where did that came from?' he asked, bewildered.

'Just answer, Dib,' asked Zim with a serious tone.

'I… No! I'm pretty sure you'd leave the Earth with giant robots that would terrorize the humans and… What am I saying, of course you won't ever be able to rule the Earth, because I'll be stopping you at every turn! And why would you leave it anyway? Do you want to leave?' he finished with a panicked edge.

'…Maybe. Would you come with me?'

'…Maybe…'

The silence that followed was heavy with unspoken revelations. There it was, the undeniable truth between them, the one that refused to be spoken out loud but existed nonetheless.

'You said lots of things, last Christmas,' said Zim. 'Have you changed your mind, since?'

'…I don't know why you ask me that…' whispered Dib. 'Please don't talk about this, it's been hard enough without you mocking me, Zim…'

But Zim only got closer to the screen and narrowed his eyes, antennas alert.

'Tell me, Dib, what you remember from the other night.'

'The other night? The one where I fell asleep during the movie?'

Zim nodded.

'Huh, nothing much,' admitted Dib, puzzled by the sudden subject change. 'I remember being annoyed and tired and hungry and horn… yeah. Hem. And after that I ate pizza and drank that Vortian alcohol and talked with you and I guess I must have fallen asleep during that, sorry. Next thing I knew I was waking up the next morning, why do you…'

He stopped right in the middle of the sentence. He did remember something out of the ordinary. The dream. The very vivid, very graphic, very detailed, very imaginative dream he had that night.

'I remember your smell,' he realized out loud. 'And the texture of your skin. I remember your claws scratching my back and your teeth on my neck. I remember… Zim, why do I remember the face you make when you come?!?'

Zim kept silent, his antennas flattened against his head in a posture akin to shame, or at least embarrassment. But that couldn't be, Zim was unable to even get the concept of these emotions.

'ZIM!' yelled Dib over the communicator. 'Tell me what happened that night! Tell me it was all a dream!'

'It wasn't, Dib,' answered Zim.

'…did we… did we have…'

'We had hot, sweaty, kinky sex on my living room couch,' completed the alien.

Dib's mouth hung open for a moment, trying to place together the pieces of the puzzle. If they did… Oh my God… How come he didn't remember any of it? The only think that felt real was the warm feeling of the Linaru in his system…

'You FUCKER!' he shouted. 'You DRUGGED me!'

'Wait, Linaru is not a drug, not by Universal standards…' tried to explain Zim.

'Don't try to diminish it! You fucking drugged me so you could abuse of my drunken state! You knew I wouldn't say no! And you knew I would forget everything come the morning! You BASTARD!'

'Dib, wait, you don't…'

Dib cut the transmission before he got the urge to smash his fist into Zim's face on the screen.

"This cannot be happening! Why?!? That damned little alien FUCKER! Fuck, I wanted this, but not like that!"

He realized with relief that they were close to the lunar base. They entered the hangar, placed both Megadoomers on the floor and closed the garage-like door behind them. As soon as he turned off his engines, Dib got off Tak's ship and walked out of the room, without a word.

Zim watched him go, antennas dropped with an emotion that made his squeedly-spooch turn upside-down. It felt as if Minimoose was gently chewing on his head…

* * *

AN: Yeah, it couldn't all be sunshine and happiness between those two, we still have three days left ;) 


	11. Chapter 10, December 23

AN: It's five in the morning and I just got home from clubbing. I love you guys too much.

You finally get the famous "last Christmas" scene, along with cheesy WHAM song. It belongs to the fabulousness that is Georges Michaels.

Thanks for the reviews, they fill my heart and ego with triple chocolate fudgey goodness. Also thanks to the ones that have taken the time to point out my mistakes, (September's Nobara, Aikachu MEC and others) I' doing my best to improve! Due to the posting rythm of this fic, I don't have time to get it beta read, but I'll probably ask my usual beta to do it when the 12 chapters are posted and we're done with this Doomsday frenzy.

Much lovin'! Now read and enjoy! It's an order!

* * *

**December 23**

_On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… ten sorry excuses._

Dib was not pouting. He was brewing his righteous anger in a very mature and very manly way. That's why he hadn't got out from his assigned room on the lunar base more than once, and that was for a quick raid in the food storage area. But he was _not_ pouting, no siree.

He hadn't heard from Zim since their arrival on the base. The Invader kept to himself, probably busy with the many preparations for Christmas. Santa would be there tomorrow at midnight, after all. There wasn't much left to do, so Dib had decided to rest before the great battle. That, and fume and seethe and sulk and rage, but NOT pout.

He turned around on his cot, covering himself with the thin bed sheet and frowning at the wall that was way too close to his face. His temporary quarters were minuscule, and the cot he was trying to sleep in for the second night in a row was barely large enough to allow him to turn on his side.

He glared. He was fairly sure that Zim had the biggest and comfiest room in all the base. With a huge bed in the middle of it, complete with soft sheets and fluffy pillows, probably imprinted with the Irken logo or some variant of "Zim is GREAT!" That would be a bed worthy of its name. Dib wouldn't have minded sleeping in that bed.

Without Zim, of course. Because he had no intention of going near that backstabbing little bastard more than what was strictly necessary.

A knock on the door.

'Dib,' was the only greeting he got. 'Open up.'

The teenager bit back a snarky remark about having already done that but oh yeah, he wasn't supposed to remember ANY OF IT! But he chose to stay silent and pretend to sleep.

'I know you're awake, the computer scans your vital signs,' warned Zim. 'And know that I have the power to open that door with a single order. But I won't.'

'Nothing stopped you before, you sick fuck!' barked back Dib.

'Okay, forget it, I'm opening.'

The door slid open and let Zim enter the tiny room, who suddenly felt overcrowded. Dib sat up and glared a hole trough the green head.

'What do you want?' asked coldly Dib.

'To speak.'

'I don't want to hear what you've got to say. Get out.'

'Why would I do that in my own base?' retorted the Invader. 'I talk, you listen.'

'Will you go away after that?'

'I'll leave you in peace until tomorrow.'

'Then talk and get the fuck out of my sight.'

Zim crossed his arms, lowered his antennas, looked elsewhere, bit his upper lip, narrowed his eyes.

'This was not supposed to happen like this,' he finally said.

'What, I wasn't supposed to remember?' snapped back Dib. 'Yeah, that's the whole point, isn't it?'

'I chose for you to remember,' pointed out Zim. 'If I hadn't mentioned any of it, it would have stayed a dream to you.'

'And you would have gone your merry way without any kind of complications, isn't it?' growled Dib.

'Exactly.'

Dib was thrown out for a moment. Zim's brutal honesty wasn't what he expected. In fact, he didn't know what he had expected. Zim was a egotistical and cruel alien invader, he was crazy to have ever developed any kind of attachment to him.

'So you wanted an easy fuck without any kind of complications, and you said "Why not the foolish human that loves me and lives so close? Irk, that's handy!"' said Dib with heavy sarcasm.

'LIES! I would never talk in such a plebeian fashion!' interrupted Zim.

'That's not the point!'

'It totally is, you dimwitted Earth-monk… wait. You love me?' he asked in a quiet voice, antennas falling flat on his head.

One thing was to hear it on a recording, taken in the middle of Dib's blabbers in the throws of ecstasy, under the influence of Linaru and Zim's AMAZING loving powers, another was to hear it live from the mouth of the human himself, fully alert and mad at him on top of that.

Dib seemed to realize too late his mistake and glowered daggers at him.

'Fuck you, you don't know shit,' he grumbled.

'You get really vulgar when you're angry,' noted Zim. 'I've never heard you have such language before, even towards myself.'

'That's because all you did was nothing compared to this, little bastard.'

Zim stared at the floor in intense concentration.

'It wasn't supposed to happen like this,' he mumbled to himself.

'What wasn't supposed to happen?' snapped Dib.

'Me wanting you to remember,' grumbled the Invader.

He threw Dib one last glance and walked out the door.

'Rest, Dib.'

* * *

_There was smoke everywhere, and Dib kept coughing his lungs out. He walked among the wreckage, holding his bleeding side in atrocious pain. His teary eyes could make out the shapes of the fallen buildings around them and he could hear the screams of terror trough the constant ringing in his ears. Santa destroying the town, and they hadn't been able to stop him. _

_There it was, in front of him. Zim's Megadoomer, lying still on the floor. He crept on it with great difficulty and managed to get to the piloting area. The glass was broken, so it was a matter of reaching in, unstrapping the alien's unconscious body and hauling it out of his chair. Dib was surprised he managed to lift Zim even with his own bleeding wounds, but the alien was lighter than he seemed. _

_He laid down the green body and couldn't help a chocked sob seeing the amount of damage. Santa had got a clear shot, half his body was burned while the other half was covered in dark pink blood. Zim was unresponsive and had been since getting hit. His Megadoomer crashing on Earth hadn't helped things. _

'_Zim, wake up!' shouted Dib. 'The battle's not over yet, Santa is still there!'_

_But the frail body didn't move a muscle. Dib shook him, slapped him, yelled a him, and still got no answer. His own bleeding wound made him light-headed. He chocked back a sob and clung to the Invader's body. _

'_ZIM!' he pleaded. 'Don't die, please! You still got things to fight, here! Santa is still out there! And me! Stay and fight me, please, Zim! Don't leave, you can't leave me! There's nothing left besides you, I need you, idiot of an alien!'_

_A mighty roar interrupted his delirious sobbing. He turned around and screamed in pure terror. Santa was standing right behind him, in all his jolly horror, ready to strike them down. _

_Dib froze. He had no weapon, no energy and no motivation to continue the fight. He felt the temptation to just stay there, clinging to Zim's body, and wait for the inevitable._

_Strong Irken claws grabbed his waist and pushed him off the Megadoomer. They both rolled down to the floor the moment Evil-Santa stroke down with his Tarentula-like legs. It got stuck inside the cockpit. _

_Zim, who had managed to fall on top of Dib to cushion his fall, groaned in pain._

'_Megadoomer 1!' he yelled with a hoarse voice. 'Activate take off immediately!'_

_The giant robot lit up and activated his auxiliary jets. It took off to the sky, dragging with it the monstrous Santa costume, roaring in fury. _

_Zim sighed with relief. They would have peace for another year._

_He suddenly felt two human hands with too many fingers grab both sides of his face, and a pair of needy lips capturing his own. He jumped in realization. The Dib was kissing him._

_It took him a moment to recover from the shock, but when he did, he shrieked and pushed himself away._

'_Don't touch me, human filth!' he snapped. _

_Dib just stared dumbfounded at his own actions and at Zim's angry answer._

* * *

'_I hate you.'_

_Dib looked up from his bandaged belly. Zim's computer had done an amazing job of mending it, it just stung a bit, now. Zim had kept silent the whole time, watching the process from a shadowy corner of the medical area of his lab._

'…_I know that,' mumbled Dib._

'_I hate you, and that's why it would never work,' repeated the alien. 'I'll end up killing you and taking over your filthy planet.'_

'_Yeah, alright…'_

'_Irkens know nothing of these silly human emotions,' continued Zim with more fervor. 'Invaders don't need… Invaders need NO ONE!'_

_He marched up to the human, antennas flattened in resolution. _

'_You stink. You're too tall. Your hair is ugly. Your voice annoys the hell out of me. I just don't DO humans, get it?' _

_Dib kept silent, not knowing what to answer to that._

'_It's almost midnight,' warned the Invader, counting on his internal clock. 'You have six minutes to get out of my base before the truce is over. Get out of my sight.'_

* * *

"_Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away…"_

* * *

AN: Bed now. Nighty night! 


	12. Chapter 11, December 24

Warning: Caps and italics abuse in this chapter. :P

* * *

**December 24**

_On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… eleven painful truths._

Dib pulled the zipper of his space suit up to his chin and placed his shaded goggles over his eyes. He turned around to watch his reflection on the shiny metal leg of his Megadoomer. He wasn't too sure he liked the result. The colors were alright: black, dark blue and silver were his favorite after all. But the material had the weird property of clinging to his every muscle. He never had to wear something that fitting before.

On top of that, the dark goggles made him look like his father, which was not necessarily a good thing. Yes, the glasses were a wonder of Irken technology, with X-ray, heat vision, laser shooting, camera recording and lots of nifty extra features he wasn't done discovering yet. Zim had outdone himself. But the look… he wasn't too sure if…

'You look delicious, so stop squirming,' said Zim, interrupting his musings.

The Invader was further away in the hangar, putting on his own space suit. Dib looked elsewhere, a frown coming to his face. The pink and black stretchy material really looked good on Zim. On top of that, the Invader had been particularly forward that day saying things that Dib would have killed to hear, on other circumstances.

'Stop doing that,' warned the teenager. 'I know you don't mean it. And it won't make me forgive you.'

Zim turned around and narrowed his eyes at him.

'Zim sees no reason of lying to you about this,' stated the alien. 'And Zim is not looking for your pathetic forgiveness, either.'

'…You're telling me that you have absolutely no regret about drugging me so we could… So you could take advantage of me?'

'No,' was the abrupt answer. 'What Zim wants, Zim gets.'

'But… that's _wrong_!'

'I don't see why. Linaru doesn't alter your judgment, it only lowers your self-imposed barriers. You could have refused Zim's _amazing_ powers of seduction and _luuuurv_, but honestly, I don't see how, for Zim is deliciously lovable. That means you also wanted this, Dib.'

'But you made it so I wouldn't remember any of it!' shouted Dib, hating the fact that this was what hurt the most.

'I did to avoid unnecessary drama, like what you're building now,' snapped the Invader. 'I knew you would turn everything into an angst fest, that's what you ALWAYS do, Dib.'

'I don't always…'

'Last year, after I so rightfully _refused_ your advances, you spent THREE MONTHS moping around!'

'I WASN'T –'

'Yes you were! Your spying attempts were laughable, even with GIR's help you couldn't get a single camera inside my base! You didn't even TRY to foil my plans, I had to sabotage them myself! You spent weeks avoiding me, missing excellent chances of making my life a living HELL! You know how many puddles you walked around instead of splashing me? THIRTY-SEVEN!'

'OKAY! I was down, so what? Why do you even CARE? You were the one that wanted me out of your sight!'

'I had just discovered that my mission was a LIE and that I was here in EXILE!' yelled Zim. What was I _supposed_ to do?'

'…What? Your mission… You Invading the Earth…'

'An elaborate RUSE to get rid of Zim so he doesn't take the Tallest's place! They were afraid of me stealing the power so they sent me to this pitiful DIRTBALL!!'

Dib raised an eyebrow. He was pretty sure that it was the menace Zim's presented to the Tallest's life, more than the menace he was to their power, that convinced his leaders of exiling him.

'But it… Hey, that was at least a year ago!' realized Dib. 'And you _still_ try to take over the Earth! Why?'

'It relieves boredom,' shrugged Zim.

Dib remained speechless for a moment. All this time, Zim kept trying to exterminate them because he found it_entertaining_?

'I can't _believe_ this!' he shrieked. 'You keep putting our lives at stake because you don't want to be BORED?!?'

'Keeps you on your toes, doesn't it?' retorted the Invader. 'Admit it, Dib, you enjoy every second of our fights. You need the thrill it brings to your pathetic life.'

'I don't! You're lying…'

'You need a cause. You need a villain to fight, like in those silly comics about super-humans.'

'Stop saying that! I don't…'

'I'm your villain, Dib. Without me, your life would be _pointless_.'

Dib growled. He didn't want to hear this. Not now, and not from _him_.

'It's getting late,' he said in a cold voice. 'We have to get ready.'

'We still have time before midnight,' said the alien. 'I'm not done with you.'

'I don't want to hear what you want to say!'

'Don't be silly, everyone loves listening to ZIM!'

'Stop thinking so highly about yourself.'

'Why? Zim is AMAZING! You obviously think so, too.'

'What? I've never…'

'You kept repeating it over and over again, the other night, when I had my tongue inside your –'

'STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!'

' – ear,' completed the alien with a smirk.

'Just… just stop talking about that! I don't want to hear anything about that night!'

'Foolishness! You'd beg for some more of Zim's INCREDIBLE LOVIN' POWERS!'

'YOU'RE DELUSIONAL, ZI-'

His breath caught when Zim pressed him against the Megadoomer with all the strength of his spider legs. Their bodies were pressed flush against each other, and the suit's material left nothing to the imagination. Zim took Dib's goggles and gently placed them on the teenager's large forehead, so he could get a good look at the amber eyes. They were petrified.

'You want Zim,' purred the Invade in his ear.

'No, I don't, I…'

Zim pressed their bodies even harder. Dib gasped.

'You. Want. Zim.'

He bit down Dib's neck and got a yelp that was halfway between pain and pleasure.

'You don't want any human female,' said the alien, slowly licking a path down his neck. 'You don't want anyone else but Zim.'

He unzipped Dib's suit, just enough to grant him the space to lick his collarbone. Dib whimpered, totally lost to the sensation. He felt Zim's claws grip his sides, go lower, grasp his butt and press even harder against…

He whimpered.

Then, the annoying part of Dib's brain woke up and interrupted this moment of pure bliss. "_You're making the same mistake again! Wasn't last year enough? Wasn't THE OTHER NIGHT enough?!?_" it shouted.

Dib summoned all his willpower to push Zim away.

'What do you _think_ you're DOING?!?' shouted Dib.

'Making you squirm. You make the most delicious noises.'

'Stop playing with me! I know you hate me!'

'You're right, I_do_ hate you, Dib,' grumbled the Invader, coming closer once again. 'I still hate your hair, and your glasses, and your voice, and your annoyingness, and the fact that you won't unzip that suit and bend over like a good little human boy!'

Dib's mouth hung open at this blatant forwardness. He quickly dismissed the need to do exactly as said and beg for more.

'I don't get it, Zim,' he admitted with a puzzled expression. 'We're enemies, you said so yourself. I'll always be there to foil your plans as long as you'll be a menace to Earth. So… why?'

'You don't get it, do you?' asked Zim. 'I've been sabotaging my own plans for a year now. I_won't_ take over the Earth. But it's not as if you cared about its fate either.'

'What are you on? I do care about it! I wouldn't be here otherwise!'

'The humans are not worthy of the effort you put into saving them,' said Zim with disdain. 'They don't_like_ you.'

Dib closed his eyes to avoid the endless crimson seas that could read into his very soul. He hated to admit it, but Zim had that part right. His mouth opened without his consent, and without opening his eyes, words charged with fear crossed his lips:

'…And you?' he whispered.

'Huh? The humans LOVE me! Because I'm a perfectly normal human worm-'

'I mean,' interrupted Dib, 'do you… like me?'

A silence followed, and Dib had to open his eyes to know what was going on Zim's mind. He came face to face with narrowed eyes and lowered antennas in some form of amused exasperation.

'I accept you into my base, respect our truce, feed you, tease you, seduce you, remind you about that, put up with your whining and your drama, and still you doubt it even when I'm currently lowering your suit ZIPPER?!? You DUMB HUMAN!'

Dib realized that Zim had managed to unzip the suit down to his navel. He pushed the claws away, slightly blushing, and pulled it up to his chin once again. Zim seemed to pout.

'Yeah. Hem… It's a wonder why I like you…' mumbled Dib.

'Why? Zim is so full of AMAZINGNESS!'

'…Maybe it's because I'm a diagnosed obsessive-compulsive horny teenager with a small obsession with you?' said Dib with a self-depreciative smile.

'Pff,' scoffed Zim.

'…How can you do that sound if you don't have any lips?' wondered Dib out loud.

Zim got enough of talking and decided to prove the human that Irkens did, in fact, have lips. Dib was surprised by the sudden kiss at first, but closed his eyes and surrendered to the feeling of pure bliss. Linaru didn't taste as sweet or as warm…

After a moment, they parted, a satisfied look exchanged between them.

'Now we have to go,' said Zim. 'Try not to get blown up.'

'Same thing for you,' smiled Dib.

They climbed in their own Megadoomers, taking place in the cockpits. Dib buckled himself him, activated the launching process and watched the hangar door slowly open with a sense of trepidation. He felt giddy with excitement for the upcoming fight, for the kiss, and for the feeling that maybe, this year, he'd get what he wanted for Christmas.

'Are you ready, Dib?' asked Zim over the communicator.

'Ready,' smiled the teenager. 'Santa is going down.'

'Victory will be ours,' purred the Invader.

* * *

AN: Just one left! And it's not even written yeeeeet! And I'll probably be late because my Doomsday gifts are not ready! And anyways it's not that of a drama if I don't post on the 25th, you people should be rejoicing with families and friends and invoking the wrath of Evil-Santa instead of browsing the net for doubtful fics like this one XP Anyway, have a nice pre-Doomsday! 


	13. Chapter 12, December 25

AN: And here's the laaaaaaast one:D Enjoy!!

* * *

**December 25**

_On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… _

'Smell that, Dib' said Zim over the communicator. 'The sweet perfume of jollyness reduced to ashes.'

'I can't smell anything, Zim,' rationalized Dib. 'First, there is no air in space to carry a smell. Second, Santa is not reduced to ashes, he just flew away into space for another year.'

'It's a victory anyways!'

'Only because he crashed into an asteroid.'

'But he did to avoid the missiles that ZIM had so precisely thrown at him!'

'They were heat-seeking missiles, Zim. They would have hit their target anyways, if they hadn't decided to chase _me_ instead.'

'That's what you get for flying so close to the enemy!'

'What was I supposed to do? All my long-range weapons were down and he was about to attack you!'

'I would have fought it!'

'Half of your Megadoomer is paralyzed since you received that hit!'

'So what, Dib? I'm a trained Invader, I can fight my way out of worse situations. There was no need for such stoopidness, you know?'

Dib lowered his head and took a breath.

'I guess I was worried about you,' he admitted in a mumble.

Zim watched him over the communicator screen and seemed to decide something.

'Activate your Megadoomer's cloaking device and meet me at my base. We've got some celebrating to do.'

Dib lifted his head, a hopeful expression in his eyes.

'And by celebrating, you mean…?'

'Store the Megadoomers for next year, scan our bodies for external and internal injuries, grab a bite and maybe catch a movie,' smirked Zim, fully aware of the implications it held.

* * *

Dib got out of the shower, only clad in a towel, feeling refreshed. The battle was over, they had won fairly easily (thanks to a rogue asteroid), they weren't too badly hurt (just a few bruises here and there), Zim wanted to do _stuff_ with him and he still had some hours to pack his things and exit the base, without the need to run. He sighed contently and fell on his bed, arms stretched on each side of him. 

He must have fallen asleep, because when he opened his eyes, he found Zim's face staring at him.

'You snore,' stated the alien.

'Huh… sorry,' was the only thing the human could find to say. 'What time is it?'

'It'll be midnight in ten minutes,' said Zim with a neutral face. 'Our truce will be over by then.'

Dib jumped out of the bed and grabbed his boxers and a pair of jeans.

'Why didn't you wake me sooner?!?' he exclaimed, trying to put the boxers without disrupting the towel he had around his waist.

'I was appreciating the silence,' answered Zim with an amused smile at Dib's antics.

'Damn it, I thought we were going to celebrate! You know, the food, the movie and… stuff…'

'…Maybe we have time for a quickie…' proposed Zim.

'Are you going to chase me out of your base with lasers as soon as the clock strikes midnight?' asked Dib, putting on his shirt now that the pants were on.

'Of course,' shrugged Zim.

'Then forget it,' grumbled Dib. 'You'll have to wait for next year, Space Boy.'

He found his shoes under the bed and caught his fingers twice trying to tie them up. He stuffed his remaining clothes into his bag, not wanting to find them all strewn on the Hi Skool grounds come next weekday. Zim was very serious about this end of truce thing. In less than seven minutes, everything would be back to normal. The fights, the stalking, the arguments, the life and death situations, everything. Dib felt a bitter taste on his tongue. He didn't _want_ to go back to that.

'I'm ready,' he said in a morose tone, putting on his trench coat.

'Good,' replied Zim, seemingly lost in thought.

They got on the elevator and stood awkwardly side by side, not exchanging a glance nor a word. The stupid elevator music kept playing until the door opened on the main floor.

'How much time?' asked Dib, stepping into the living room.

'Four minutes thirty-five seconds.'

'Alright,' he said, before dropping his bag, stepping forward, grabbing Zim by the waist and kissing the hell out of him.

The Invader responded with enthusiasm, his antennas curling in pure delight. But Dib put an end to the kiss, eyes filled with sorrow.

'You know?' he whispered. 'I can't wait for next Christmas.'

Zim frowned and calculated the remaining time. Two minutes twelve seconds. Maybe it would be enough.

'Stay,' he ordered.

'What?'

'Stay here. At my base.'

'…Why?'

'Because I know you don't like your own home. And you already have you room here. Your stuff is already here anyways. My TV is bigger. It's closer to Skool. You can help with the experiments, you'd be better than GIR, I'm sure. He needs a babysitter, you know? I don't want to reprogram the computer so it sees you as an enemy once again. And I have better medical supplies, since you do tend to get hurt often and pretty badly…'

'…That's mostly your fault, you know?' said Dib, not believing what the alien was proposing.

'Nonsense,' scoffed the Invader. 'You should stay because I'm _letting_ you stay. That should be enough. That, and the sex,' he added with a smirk. 'It's awesome.'

'It would be nice to know,' said Dib with raised eyebrows.

'I'll give you full of unforgivable delicious memories, Dib,' purred Zim.

Dib thought it over, but Zim made impatient motions with his hands.

'You have twenty seconds to give me your answer,' he warned.

'What? But…'

'Eighteen.'

'…You're missing one.'

'What? Sixteen.'

'A reason. There's still one I need to hear before I accept.'

'What are you on, foolish human? You only have ten seconds left!'

'You know which one.'

'No I don't! Seven!'

'Say it!'

'Alright! I _want_ you to stay, Dib! Is that enough?' Three!'

'Good enough for me,' said Dib with a smile. 'I'll stay.'

'FINALLY!' shouted Zim, turning off the buzzing sound of his internal alarm clock.

He grabbed Dib by the collar of his trench coat, threw him on the couch and straddled his hips with a ravenous smile.

'How about some victory celebration?' he whispered.

* * *

Hours later, they could be found laying on the couch, exhausted but content, under a thick blanket printed with monkeys. The tv was off, the only show being the snowflakes slowly falling out of the window. Zim smirked at them, satisfied in knowing that they wouldn't need to exit the base for the remainder of Christmas vacations. 

'What are you laughing at?' asked Dib, seeing the other's smug grin.

'I'm mocking these pitiful crystals of solidified water! They thought they could get Zim, but they didn't expect him to be all safe and secure inside his base with a personal human heater to keep him warm! Take _that_, winter!'

Dib laughed and pulled Zim even closer, his breath tickling the alien's antennas.

'Keep doing that and you know we'll be up for another round,' warned the Invader.

'_Again_?!? But Zim, let me rest a little bit, I'm only human, you know?'

'No, you are _better_ than human, or Zim wouldn't have chosen you. Now breath elsewhere.'

'Alright, alright…' mumbled Dib, his eyes falling to the window once again. 'You think GIR would make us hot chocolate if we ask him?'

'Maybe, maybe not.'

'Hm… worth a try.'

'Later. Zim is lazy and comfy right now. I don't want to get up and clean his messes.'

'You're right. Let's just stay here for now…'

They curled up together, under a monkey-printed blanket, on a bright pink couch, inside a neon green house, in the middle of a white neighborhood.

The Earth was safe for another year, because Santa was off into space, but most importantly, because Zim and Dib would be too busy "extending the truce" to take over or save the planet. The humans could rest in peace.

'Hey, Zim?' mumbled Dib, slowly falling asleep.

'Hm?'

'Merry Doomsday.'

'Merry Doomsday, Dib.'

* * *

_On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…twelve reasons to stay._

* * *

**The End**

AN: I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for the reviews, they helped me fight my procrastination and usual lateness to get here! Stay tuned to my account, because after this we're gonna be posting some Kribliss deliciousness! ;) With that, I'll be wishing you all a merry Doomsday ;)

--_Swing_


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